Where is my doggie?

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved dogs (although I’ve been chased around by them a fair share of times) and I have always wanted a puppy as long as I can remember. But because we have always stayed in an apartment, we never could get a dog. My mother is not really fond of dogs (actually, not at all fond of dogs) but my father is probably the only person who loves dogs more than I do. He had a dog when he was a child, and so he doesn’t get this deprived feeling I get often. I get it when I see people with their dogs, I get it when people tell stories about their dogs, I get it when my friends call me up and gush about how they got the cutest puppy for their birthday, I get it when I watch any random dog movie (I have cried for Bolt, for God’s sake. Yes, the animated movie Bolt. Every doggie scene), I get it when I even think about having a dog for myself. Even though he currently doesn’t have a dog, my dad doesn’t get that feeling (or at least not as much or as often as I do) because he’s already had a dog, he had his dog, and they had grown up together and cherished a deep, loving friendship , like all human-dog relationships are.

I have craved and craved to have a puppy of my own, to grow up with, to love, to pamper, to scold, to spill all my secrets to, to be welcomed home everyday. And every time I cry, or am upset, I wish I had my doggie to talk to and hug. But I don’t, and that makes me sadder.

Every year, I would beg my parents for a dog, and every year they would say “when you’re older”. And that went on till finally, I was done with school, and I had felt as betrayed as ever. They hadn’t got me a dog yet. I was so upset, that I confronted them about this, and there were a great many tears shed (all mine) and they finally said yes.I don’t blame them for not getting me a dog – because after all, not only did we live in an apartment, there would also be no one left to stay with our dog once everyone left home for school/work. That was actually the main problem. I told them we could get a new maid just for the dog, or we could ask our current one to stay with the dog till one of us got home or something but we just had to get a dog. I was ecstatic when my parents finally said yes, and spent days looking for the perfect name to call my dog, discussing it with my family over and over again. It would be a German shepherd or a Labrador.

And then, I got admission into a college in another city – which meant I had to move. I would be staying with my aunt, uncle and cousins, and I couldn’t get a dog now. I couldn’t get my dog. I was very happy and excited to have gotten into that college, and I loved the new city too, but I was heart broken that I couldn’t get my dog – and even more so, because I couldn’t cry or get upset about this, because it just couldn’t be helped. And so I left home, and gave up all hopes of ever owning a dog – at least for the next five years of my life, until I completed my post graduate too.

I know that one day I will get my dog. I’ve even told my parents that if I’m going to have an arranged marriage- my first, most important condition would be that after marriage I should be allowed to keep a dog. If that is not allowed,well then, there’s no way in hell I’m marrying that guy. And well, If I’m going to have a love marriage – I can obviously have my way (that is the hope). ANd my children are going to be among those few lucky ones who had a dog sniffing over their cots, letting them play with their ears as they grow up, helping them create the greatest ruckus out of the house, and watching over them. I’m going to have one of those family photos where there are four or five humans, and one big, happy dog. And it will be blown up and framed and put up on my wall. That will be my family.

Just like people believe in soul mates, I strongly believe that for every dog-loving person, there is a dog out there, who is expressly theirs and theirs alone, and that they might meet each other in any stage of their lives. That sounds mighty dramatic, but that’s what I believe. And I know that I will one day have my own puppy, and I will watch this puppy grow into my strong, big dog, and he will be all mine.

Balancing dessert-cravings and flat-tummy-desires.

My sister is twelve years old, and she bakes. Well, she just discovered that she loves to bake, and has been experimenting a lot – and I get to taste her latest and pass or fail them. Considering I have a sweet tooth, and will like anything as long as its dessert, she’s lucky. And so she bakes, and I eat.

Today she baked ‘Lemon squares’, which were kind of like tarts with crumbly crusty pastry, a thick, gooey lemon filling and generously dusted with icing sugar. They were really, really good, and in spite of that tiny voice in the back of my head warning me about the number of calories in those things, I kept eating, until there were only about two squares left for my dad to taste (mum’s diabetic and so she cant eat any).

The rest of my day I spent consumed by guilt – how could I possibly get that perfect body I’ve been dreaming of if I’m going to be defeated by things like lemon tarts? I’ve been swimming and cycling – and then gorging on all these unhealthy, but most wonderfully yummy things. Why do all the good things in life have to be fattening or expensive? *sigh*

I spent the whole day pondering. I really want to lose a few kilos, and get fit. I should state here, that for me, getting fit is a major concern, but that doesn’t mean it should be so for every one else. It is truly a wonderful thing if you are completely comfortable in the body you have and feel sexy the way you are – and I envy the people who are that way. Because I’m not one of those people. And I have decided that I’m going to get that body I’ve dreamed of, if only I could control my let’s-binge-on-dessert phases (like the one I had today)!

But faced with the happiness on my sister’s face at the success of her new baked goods, and the happiness in my heart (and tummy) while i ate it- I was in a dilemma. Because this was something I really liked, and I realized, it’s not going to change. I will always look for chocolate in the fridge when I’m in a bad mood. I will always rush for some tiramisu ice cream when I’m crying. I will always eat whatever new (or old) dessert my sister bakes for me- i mean, for us.

Well, what can I say? Dessert makes me happy, just as much as swimming does. And just as much as the thought of getting fit does! I will just have to learn to incorporate these two clashing desires happily. Ensuring maximum satisfaction. IMG_20140524_133732[1]